Sunday, March 20, 2005

Substitute 2: Flawed Masterpiece or Crappy Movie? Part II

Part I: The Substitute 2: Flawed Masterpiece or Crappy Movie?

They really don't get into how Treat Williams was able to so quickly become the teacher of "the Jungle or "the WarZone" or whatever the hell they call this evil place where the hoodlums are taught. Somehow, though, SlutTeacher is able to handle the matter in less than a day, installing Treat at the school with a fake name .

I'm not talking about this kind of treat:


So Treat meanders his way into the classroom, running into teachers along the way, including B.D. Wong who goes on about how he thought that Treat's brother was an a-okay guy. I assume he isn't in this movie just for a background role considering his top-billing, so it doesn't surprise me to find out that he is important later on in the film. All right, so Treat gets to the classroom which is in disrepair and tries to begin his lesson. Uh-oh, the hoodlums don't care about school; they are just yammering on and ignoring Treat, thus depriving him of the respect the mercenary/teacher deserves.

I'm talking about this kind of Treat:


This doesn't phase Treat at all. He calmly asks the guy drinking a big thing of orange soda if he has enough to share with the rest of the class and then politely asks the guy with the boombox to turn it down. Both requests are ignored. Then some hoodlum, who has the respect of the others, says something along the lines of "I want to hear what this fool has to say, turn it off." Treat thanks the young gentleman and proceeds to give his lecture.

Treat then talks about perception and reality, tries to be witty, says that a Yo-Yo used to be a weapon and flings the yo-yo into the bottle of orange soda the guy was holding. This blows up the bottle into the guy's face. For some reason, the broken glass did not injure him, yada, yada, now everyone in the class sees him as a "different kind of teacher."

School seems to last all of a twenty minutes for these folks and the Yo-Yo demonstration is all they have time for. It is interesting that these students appear to be above 16 and have no desire to be in school, but yet they are there, on-time, every day. This is never explained.

So Treat does his feeble attempts at being a surrogate-dad to his niece. She immediately warms up to him for some reason. Treat then goes to try to put the slut back into SlutTeacher. For some reason, she is able to guess he's a mercenary immediately. They do the humpty dance and romance ensues.

At some point, before he becomes a teacher, a bunch of his future students are trying to intimidate him by saying that he's "walking on their sidewalk" and needs to go. He's like, I am happy to walk on this sidewalk, etc. Then all of a sudden they drive away. They quickly come back in the EXACT SAME CAR and point their guns at Treat. Treat ain't having any of this shit and does his green beret move on a guy holding a gun, breaking his arm.

Well it turns out those folks were in his class. Does that worry, Treat? Hell, no it doesn't. This incident did, however, anger these hoodlum members of "The Brotherhood" as they try to ambush Treat in the bathroom with older hoodlums. Treat kicks their asses in about ten seconds. After he has finished throwing out the garbage, he notices someone sneaking into the bathroom from some hidden passageway. Who is it? Why it's the lovable janitor who works at the school because it reminds him of Vietnam! He apparently is eager to relive the war by helping Treat teach these bastards a lesson.

Anyway, the movie goes down hill from here. Treat Williams continues his relationship with SlutTeacher until BD Wong kills her for being too curious for her own good. I don't know if curiosity killed the cat, but it certainly killed SlutTeacher. For some reason, Treat Williams doesn't seem to care about all this, teams up with the janitor and his old mercenary buddy to kill a whole bunch of the older hoodlums just after he discovers that BD Wong is the ring leader of the whole gang. Why is BD Wong, a nice teacher involved with the gang? Well, because he makes money off of chop-shopping cars brought to the school. Treat also finds out that his niece's boyfriend actually was the one who killed his brother at BD Wong's request. (Apparently he got a Mustang out of this.) Those students who tried to kill Treat earlier? Well, apparently despite the fact the he killed a whole bunch of their fellow gang-members and is crappy teacher, they respect him after he is able to kill BD Wong. Yeah, there's a climatic final fight scene that interrupts BD's class on car-repair.

Yep, that's the movie folks, a true classic,

The Substitute 2, An Oscar-Worthy Movie:



Whoops, I meant this one, my bad:

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