Tuesday, April 30, 2002

Welcome to Ithaca


A man decided to visit Ithaca the other day and he had the unfortunate honor of meeting an Ithaca Hippie, also known as THE HIPPOCRITUS ITHACACOMMIUS... This is how the conversation played out...

Visitor (V): Well hello there, nice weather we are having today.

IH: Nice weather?! It's 52 in April, this is well above the average tempature. Maybe if you white men hadn't polluted the environment it would be much nicer and much more natural.

V: Um, OK

IH: Why are you going in that suit? You know I bet a bunch of sea turtles died to make those pants!!

V: Well, it's Sunday, and I'm in a spiritual mood so I thought I would go to church or something.

IH: Church?!!! Don't push your beliefs on me!!!

V: Well, um, I was just saying where I was going.. I didn't want to lie or anything...

IH: Oh so now you think you're better than me in that holier than thou kind of way.

V: No, I was just trying to explain--

IH: Ha! Why don't you go rape some Native Americans...

V: I don't really know any...

IH: You don't?! Big surprise.. probably because you killed them all with your small pox infested blankets.

V: Um, my ancestors weren't around back then.

IH: Oh really? Well it looks like you're really benefiting from slavery there Mr. Enron,

V: Mr Enron? I have nothing to do with that...

IH: Well your suit tells otherwise...

V: Right, so what's new around here?

IH: Well members of your "good old boys club" are trying to put my used bookstore out of business.

V: Um, yeah... what else?

IH: Well, some people are trying to McCarthize this professor at IC. Whatever happen to academic freedom?

V: What do you mean?

IH: She, being from an oppressed country, said that the United States was to blame for the terrorism of September 11th. And that the United States, has been terrorize developing countries forever. And then some neo-nazi-right-wing-militia-raping-womyn-group said that she was "un-patriotic." Whatever happened to academic freedom, what ever happened to free speech? This is McCarthyism all over again.

V: Well, doesn't this group have the right to criticize her statements?

IH: No! That would be violating her academic freedom!

V: What about the group's free speech rights?

IH: Free speech doesn't extend to HATE SPEECH!!

V: How do you determine hate speech?


V: Nice talking to you, but I go to get going to church.

IH: Aren't you going to rape me first? Or burn me at the stake?

V: I'll pass...

IH: I would like to quote Ghandi... "Christianity sounds like a good idea, someone should try it some time"

V: What is that supposed to mean? Christianity hardly ever started wars and the most oppressive regimes in the world's history were started by atheistic communists and Nazis. What about all those Christian relief workers who risk their lives every day to help those in need in third world countries. People who don't give a shit about their own lives and devote their lives to helping others in the name of Christianity. What about the Quakers who fought for decades to bring an end to slavery, because they new deep in their hearts that the God they believed in abhored it.

IH: You going to a Catholic Church? You know, they rape children.

V: There a few isolated incidents of children being molested which is awful, but just because the media makes it a big story, doesn't make a wide phenonmenon. Most priests are not like that. Teachers do this much more often, but that's not a big shocker....

IH: Don't push your beliefs on me!!

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